Self-censorship is the opposite of self-expression. When we deny ourselves the right to express who we are in our words, acts, and decisions, we effectively deny ourselves the right to live. Instead, we remain in a withdrawn limbo, hiding behind a façade that seldom reflects us. The greater the chasm between who we are and what we express, the greater our sense of unfulfillment. Although reasons for self-censorship may vary, simple strategies can help reconcile our inner and outer lives to allow us a more authentic existence.
Why Do We Censor Ourselves?
The simple answer is fear. Fear can take many forms, be it fear of rejection, judgment, conflict, alienation, censure, etc. Whatever form the fear takes, the stakes of authentic self-expression often seem high, whether or not they are actually so. Self-expression can be a very risky decision, particularly in environments where pressures of conformity are high and deviations from popular norms are reprimanded. When we are under the grip of fear, authentic self-expression can seem like a threatening experience, for it reveals a part of ourselves without the shield of falsehood. If you express something that doesn’t reflect who you are, you will most likely be less affected by the negative feedback you may receive in response because you are simply not identified with it.
Consider the example of a writer who wrote two poems. In one poem, he simply reproduced some stylistic devices and worn-out clichés as though following a tested formula. In the other, he poured his heart out and captured his emotions in all their raw nakedness so that each verse became a perfect mirror reflection of himself. The impact of the criticism he may receive on each poem is incomparable.
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Sign up to our Free Weekly NewsletterSelf-censorship can be understood as a self-defense mechanism, but that doesn’t mean that the potential consequences of authentic self-expression cannot be avoided. The fear that triggers self-censorship is rooted in our identification with what we express, for the more it reflects us, the more we interpret its evaluation as a direct assessment of our self-worth. However, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Detangling Self-Worth From Self-Expression
The antidote to self-censorship is courage, but courage is not a simple decision we can take blindly. The courage to express yourself must spring from a perception of your inherent self-worth. When we perceive ourselves as inherently worthy, we relieve self-expression from the heavy burden of carrying our identity. Our words, actions, and crafts are not meant to function as means of acquiring a sense of self-worth, but as vehicles of authentic self-expression.
When we realize that we are not defined by what comes out of us of art, opinions, or decisions, we can find more ease in expressing ourselves. We can then create for the sake of creating, and liberate our creativity from the misdirected task of proving ourselves worthy.
Cultivating Unconditional Positive Regard
Prominent psychologist Carl Rogers argued that the plight of our sense of inherent self-worth is a result of conditional positive regard. When we expressed ourselves as children, we learnt that certain expressions are rewarded while others are punished. According to him, this led to the formation of ‘conditions of worth’, which are standards we believe we must attain in order to be worthy.
Cultivating unconditional positive regard helps us recover our sense of inherent self-worth and frees our self-expression from the censorships and limitations of the ‘conditions of worth’ we impose on it. This practically means that we must practice giving ourselves the same positive feedback in both our failures and successes. Redeeming a sense of inherent self-worth entails that we become indifferent to both praise and blame. It is the recognition that even if you win an Oscar or a Nobel Prize, you will be as worthy as you already were without it.
Self-expression, be it in art, in speech, or in action, does not define who we are in ourselves, but simply communicates it outwardly to varying degrees. Understanding the difference is key to overcoming self-censorship.
Allowing Yourself to Make Mistakes
While developing a sense of inherent self-worth can be a long and challenging journey, there are simple exercises we can do to decrease self-censorship to a considerable degree. Self-expression is a skill, and like any other skill, practice makes perfect. One of the most helpful tools is to learn to willfully make mistakes. For instance, if you’re painting a human body, try to draw it slightly out of proportion. If you’re learning a dance, try to intentionally mix up the steps.
If you’re writing a poem, try to mess up the rhythm or rhyme. Whatever you do, leave some room for mistakes. While this is against our instinct to avoid mistakes at all costs, this exercise builds our tolerance for imperfection. In the beginning, employing it in activities that we do on our own or with people we trust will create a safe space for practice.
Allowing yourself to make mistakes signals to the unconscious that self-expressions that do not conform to a particular standard are okay. With time, imperfection no longer feels threatening. We can express ourselves with more ease while maintaining an attitude of unconditional positive regard towards what we express. This allows us to become more process-oriented rather than goal-oriented. Instead of stressing ourselves about the final form of our expressions, we focus on the process of self-expression itself.
This is the difference between a painter who is concerned with how his final output would look and a painter whose sole concern is the process of painting itself. The first is painting for a goal, whereas the second is painting for the sake of painting. Likewise, we can strive to express ourselves for the sake of self-expression and not for any ulterior motives. Only then can we truly feel liberated from the claws of self-censorship.
