Abraham Lincoln remains one of America’s enduring figures and most famous presidents. However, one man does not exist in a vacuum. Standing beside Lincoln through the trials and tribulations he experienced was his wife, Mary Todd Lincoln.
Although somewhat obscure in historical perspective and sometimes misunderstood, Mary Todd Lincoln seemed poised for success as first lady. She came from wealth, and her family had a deep history in politics. Despite her suitability for life as Mrs Lincoln, Mary endured much tragedy and faced controversy in her public life. Who was the real Mary Todd Lincoln?
Mary Todd Lincoln: A Privileged Upbringing
Born on December 13, 1818, Mary Ann Todd was the third child of Eliza Ann and Robert Smith Todd. She had two older sisters, and after her birth, her parents would welcome four more children. However, after the birth of brother George in July 1825, Eliza grew ill and died, leaving Mary and her siblings motherless.
Robert Todd was a store owner and had been admitted to the Kentucky bar. The family lived in a modest two-story home in Lexington, Kentucky. Though Robert Todd advocated against the slave trade, leading Mary to develop antislavery views from a young age, the family owned several enslaved people. Robert remarried just over a year after his wife passed away, bringing his second wife, Elizabeth “Betsey” Humphreys, into the family. The two had nine more children during their marriage.
Young Mary lived a privileged life. She had a comfortable upbringing, all of the things she needed, and a good education. She received 10 years of schooling, impressive for a woman of the era, and had a lifelong love of learning. She was fluent in French and loved to read. However, the loss of her mother was hard for the six-year-old, and her new stepmother lacked the loving personality that her mother had freely expressed. She once referred to Mary as “Satan’s limb”, and the child found that her older sister Elizabeth was more of a motherly figure to turn to. Young Mary was known to be warm-hearted, an excellent conversationalist, and quick to speak her mind. She was knowledgeable about politics and enjoyed discussing the subject.
Mrs Lincoln
In 1839, Mary left home and moved in with her sister, Elizabeth, who had married and moved to Springfield, Illinois. Elizabeth was married to the son of a former Illinois governor, and as a result, the family had many political connections. Elizabeth introduced Mary to many politicians and political hopefuls, including Stephen Douglas, who briefly courted Mary, and Henry Clay.
However, Mary was most smitten by a young attorney and member of the state assembly, Abraham Lincoln. Though Lincoln’s middle-class upbringing was a stark contrast to Mary’s privileged lifestyle, the two found that they had much in common when it came to their political beliefs. Mary later admitted to not being instantly smitten with the man, but the two became great friends. Over time, their friendship blossomed into courtship. Mary’s sister Elizabeth was against her sister’s relationship with the “plainest man in Springfield,” but eventually, the pair wed. On November 4, 1842, they held a wedding at Elizabeth’s home in front of around 30 guests. Lincoln gave his new wife a gold wedding band inscribed with the phrase “Love is eternal.”
The two soon began building a family, and Mary spent the next several years acting as hostess, mother, and wife, running the Lincoln household. The couple’s first son, Robert Todd Lincoln, was born in 1843 and named for his maternal grandfather. Three more sons followed: Edward Baker, William Wallace, and Thomas, who was nicknamed “Tad.” Mary was often alone with the children for prolonged periods as Abraham traveled in pursuit of political advancement.
Grief Strikes
In 1849, Mary’s father died suddenly from cholera. Less than a year later, grief would strike again when three-year-old Edward passed away from tuberculosis. Mary was plunged into melancholy as a result of these heartfelt losses, and the specter of depression would continue to haunt her periodically for the rest of her life. Nevertheless, she remained a steadfast supporter of her husband and his political dreams. She bolstered his career by remaining unwavering in her public backing of his politics and providing the social backdrop necessary to maintain a political career. When Lincoln lost his bid for senate against Stephen Douglas, Mary’s former beau, she felt the sting of defeat just as strongly as her husband. Still, Mary continued to remain active in politics beside her husband, often freely expressing her opinions. Despite his losses, Lincoln was eyed for the presidency and ascended to the job in 1860, rushing home to his wife exclaiming, “Mary, Mary we are elected!”
The Civil War Era
Mary almost immediately began receiving media attention alongside her controversial husband and lived unlike previous first ladies who tended to stay out of the spotlight. Mary’s extensive wardrobe and redecorating plans for the White House made daily news. Though Mrs Lincoln didn’t shy away from public attention, some of the press coverage was hurtful and did make its mark on her self-esteem.
The Civil War brought additional controversy to Mrs Lincoln’s life, as her family, living across the Midwest and the South, was split between supporting the Union and the Confederacy. In fact, she had four brothers who fought in the Confederate army. Some even accused Mary of supporting the Confederacy, but in reality, she was a staunch supporter of her husband’s pro-Union efforts. Mary played her role in these endeavors by visiting battlefields and wounded soldiers, volunteering at hospitals, and hosting events. She supported the Contraband Relief Association, which helped formerly enslaved people who were seeking refuge in Washington, DC.
Tragedy struck once again in Mary’s life in 1862. Eleven-year-old William Wallace, who went by “Willie,” was sickened with typhoid fever and died. With another huge loss, Mary once again went into deep depression and suffered many health issues herself, including headaches and anxiety. She struggled as she watched her husband sacrifice his health amongst the stress of war and the presidency. Still, he was reelected in 1864, and the war eventually came to a close. The Lincolns hoped that this would allow them more time to focus on their marriage, and they looked forward to the future.
More Tragedy—and Accusations
However, the Lincoln’s future was not to be. On April 14, 1865, the couple attended a play at Ford’s Theatre in Washington. Mary was holding her husband’s hand when he was shot in the head by assassin John Wilkes Booth. She accompanied her unconscious husband to a nearby home, where he was placed on a bed. She hysterically tried to revive him and clung to his side. However, those in attendance were unable to tolerate her emotions and forcibly removed her from the room. She was relegated to the downstairs while her husband lived his last moments. She was bedridden for over a month afterward and did not attend Lincoln’s funeral. For the next 17 years, Mary wore black in mourning for her husband.
Mrs Lincoln had suspicions about her husband’s assassination and was known to speak of conspiracies surrounding the event. In a letter, she even accused Lincoln’s vice-president, Andrew Johnson, who became the president after Lincoln’s death, of associations with John Wilkes Booth. In May, Mary departed Washington to settle in Chicago. She wrote, “I go, hence, broken hearted, with every hope almost in life—crushed.”
Mary Todd Lincoln: A Desolate Conclusion
Congress granted Mary a widow’s pension, but she still struggled financially. Her son Robert married and settled in Washington, DC, while her son Tad remained with his mother. Mary and Tad spent time in Germany, where Mary traveled while Tad attended school. She became interested in spiritualism and even held séances.
Upon returning to the US in 1871, Tad became ill with a cough. Within a month, his illness had worsened, and the 18-year-old died. Mary was emotionally destroyed, and in 1875, she was committed to the Bellevue Insane Asylum, with only surviving son Robert appointed her conservator. The relationship between mother and son grew strained as she obsessed over his health, and suspicions arose that he was seeking control over his father’s estate. She was confined for several months before being released into the custody of her sister and underwent trials to determine her sanity. She was eventually released and spent more time in France.
In 1880, Mary returned permanently to the United States. She died of a stroke on July 16, 1882, at age 63. Her funeral was held in the same parlor where she had married her beloved Abraham 40 years earlier.
Mary Todd Lincoln endured more grief in her lifetime than most. Still, she persisted in her duties, continuing to face public life despite constant scrutiny from the public and press. Mrs Lincoln’s role during her husband’s presidency cannot be underestimated, even if she was unable to live up to the high standards the public expected of her. Her devastating life experiences prove that privilege is not protection from the threats of fate.
